story ya ex

There is always that one ex that you didn’t break up officially but circumstances led to the supposed break up. On a chilly Monday morning after waking up and having nothing to do, I go to the tallest building in Baricho and try to be the incognito cctv camera. I watch as the mama mbogas’ set up shop, Metro doing his rounds and as the now too many boda bodas jostle for customers.  “Huyo ni suzie naona?” voice one asks. “kwera, suzie alienda mtaani haezi kuwa baricho hii asubuhi yote” doubtful me answers. With an awe only akin to a eureka moment, all of me recognizes her. Memories come trolling down because this is the girl I used to hide with deep in the mafefeine and talk about vision 2030. At this moment, I can’t help myself but hurriedly go down the stairs of my watch tower thinking of how God had good plans for me to be awake that early (dry spells are for real people). I follow her to the market and she stops at a stall to buy bananas. I haven’t said hi yet for obvious reasons – You cannot be roaming aimlessly on a Monday morning if you have money or a job. The best thing to do is wait till she buys the bananas then you appear and yours truly followed the am broke, not stingy mantra. This is one of the moments i thank sponsors for the small embarrassments they save…………… (hizo zote umejijazia). I think that the committee of experts tasked with overhauling the 8;4;4 system should have in mind that if not controlled at an earlier stage, children are growing up thinking being a sponsor is a career. A girl from Kiawaruguru bags a sponsor hence able to buy those Brazilian weaves that have the price tag of two brand new Haojins. Prior to sponsoring, the only hairstyles she knew of were, in her own words, musundu, caro kyti, blow dry and makoma.  In this case, a sponsor had already provided money for bananas et al. .“Niaje kasweet heart?”  I ask her trying hard to not sound like a fisi. She turns with a who the fuck is you swag but on realizing its Gobbo, she eases down to a small grin. “Poa sana Gobbo.siku mob.btw unafanya nini sokoni saa hii?”…I scan the market and establish that mama wa avocado hasn’t opened her stall. “Nlikuwa maunenge nkaona nkam nibuy ova but huyo matha nikama hajafungua bado”. The hyena in me kicks in. “si twende kejani btw nkakuundie chai upunguze hii baridi”..”Aki siwezi saa hii cz nlikuwa nabuy hizi mandizi nipelekee mtoto wangu juu sikumwekea fruit yoyote akitoka asubuhi,” she answers leaving my already slightly excited groins emaciated. In my world, exs and children don’t make a good combination. You might be happy for her only to find out later that the bastard looks like the tbt photo you uploaded on instagram.  I don’t know why I feel like an explanation is owed after 9 years of absence but given how good she looks, mafeelings baadaye, plus don’t Kenyan ladies always complain how Kenyan men are weird in all aspects. We have a small talk then I escort her to the boda stage and of she goes. On my way home, many thoughts cross my mind. Did we ever have plans of having babies together? Could she be married? Why am I weirdly all psyched up? Ujinga gani ilinishika hata phone number sijaitisha? Reminds me of those days i used to stay up late laying strategies and   planning how to manoeuvre all the mishaps a conversation with the beautiful girl next door could have. Your guess is right on what happened the following day. I realized how smitten I had and was now being when my playlist on that day was characterized by Peter Cetera, Baby Face, Luther Vandross etc. Fast forward, two days later, we meet at a burial and this time round, I don’t forget to ask for her contacts plus a date disguised as a catching up moment. This got me thinking of how things would have gone south had I been married or dating. Most probably, this jezebel in my life could have ruined my relationship without much effort, not forgetting, I need to go kugwata mwana  to ascertain that am not yet a father. Kugwata mwana is a kikuyu version of a baby shower only that it’s done after the baby is born and its English name is inexistent in my vocabulary. I think our antecedents had a problem giving presents to something they could not see, a school of thought I agree with.